I received a question from a gent this afternoon about people opting out of your emails and how some of these folks are good customers, what we thought of as “lifers.”
The gent asked if I’ve ever had a customer on my list for 20 years or more, who bought everything, and then after you wrote something in an email that was viewed as “offensive,” that person turns into a former customer in a heart beat.
Well, as it turns out, el Furecat has NEVER lost a customer, much less a subscriber to his emails… but Matt Furey, that Zen Master of the Internet dude, well, he most certainly has had more than his fair share.
Now let me give you some of the best reasons for someone opting out:
- A couple months ago, I wrote about the transfer portal in college sports, and how I was in favor of it. I sighted the great, but seemingly injury prone, Joe Burrow, as an example. Burrow was riding the pine at The Ohio State University, then transferred to LSU, won the national title and the Heisman Trophy and was drafted in the first round by the Nephilim (NFL). If he stayed a Buckeye, none of that would have happened. Why? Because, believe it or not, a lot of college coaches are dicks with a capital “D,” and despite recruiting you over apple pie and such, they have zero intentions of ever playing you. And one of the reasons they recruit and sign you is to keep YOU from going to other teams who also want you. Believe me, these coaches LOVE hoarding their power over the young and innocent.
Well hell’s bells, I got myself a good many opt-outs after that email, and el Furecat is still laughing his tail off about it.
One of my customers, who lives in Cincinnati, O-hi-Oh, forwarded my email to his brother who lives in Columbus, and the bro displayed his uncanny ability to see only one side of an equation. To wit, “No one should EVER transfer for any reason whatsoever,” or something fairly close to that.
- Another email I sent talked about the deleterious effects of social media on the youth – not to mention adults… and this was met with more than “bah humbug.” Opt-outs galore.
- And then there’s the best reason to opt-out I have seen: It’s the inability to appreciate my sarcasm. These pocketbook tofu-eating psychologists believe sarcasm is “sideways anger,” in all cases, and that no jokes should EVER be made in which someone else is the “butt” of the humor. Damn! I guess that would be the end of ALL jokes then, wouldn’t it?
So it happens to the best of the best, including yours screwballsy.
People come and go and when they do, the best thing you can do after shaking your head in bewilderment is get out of your chair, pump both fists and arms into to the “touchdown” position and scream HURRAH, followed by an FNA (effin A).
Don’t sweat those who can’t stomach some of what you write.
If your mission is to never offend anyone, you’ll never write anything of any substance, and you’ll never rise above the asses that desperately want to keep you down. On top of that, you’ll never make the kind of moolah you supposedly seek.
By the way, writing with the sole/soul intention of making money is not the way to make money. More people never make it because they cannot make up their minds on what to write, what will get approval, and so on.
The money goes to those who don’t give a damn, those who say “to hell with y’all,” and write what wants to be expressed.
More on this in the December issue of Wordsmith Wizards.
P.S. Hopefully someone will take offense to my use of FNA and other minor expletives, and opt-out. Fingers crossed.