If you’ve ever visited Shanghai and gone into
a store by yourself to pay for something, you may
have encountered a “rudeness” that I’ve never
encountered anywhere else in the world – even in
other places in China.
As you’re standing “first-in-line” at the counter with
cash in your hand – someone will come up from behind,
hand his money over your shoulder, put his items in front
of yours and begin mumbling in Shanghainese to the cashier,
who speaks back in the same dialect.
The first time this happens you can’t believe what is going on
and you don’t understand it. And while you’re still in a state of
confusion, a second person, and a third, and a fourth, repeats
the same behavior.
And the cashier deals with the second, third, fourth and so on
the same was as she dealt with the first person. Meanwhile,
you’re still standing there waiting for some service.
This situation first happened to me in 1998 – and let me tell
you, I was so angry about it that I swore to my wife that I
will never go back to Shanghai.
Eventually I dropped the grudge and when preparing for the
next trip, I asked myself what I could do to stymie this situation
in the future. I formed a mental image of what to do next time
around – and when it happened, instead of fuming, I gave a
mean, sideward glance at the offender, raised my voice loudly
and said, “Deng yi deng.” This means ‘wait a second.”
When I did this the man budging ahead immediately apologized,
smiled and patiently waited for the cashier to finish with me.
Sounds so simple, I know – yet nine years ago my way of handling
this situation was one-fold: piss, moan and complain.
While here on Hainan Island, I like to go to the sauna most every
day. In the locker room is a scale, and I like to check my weight
before and after using the sauna.
The towel boys who work in the lockeroom, handing you your keys,
putting away your clothes, bringing you water, and so on, like to check
my weight too. Even if they’re 20 feet away, as soon as I step on the
scale, three or four workers will immediately sprint to see how much the
This, once again, used to drive me insane. That’s what happens when
you’re unresourceful and have a one-way strategy for dealing with rude
people. You just fume and go insane.
Well, like the cashier in the store scenario, I pictured what to do next time it happened. No whining. No moaning or groaning.
As soon as the sprint begins I step off the scale, look the men in the eyes and say, “Guan ni de pisha.” This means, as you may have guessed, “Mind your own business.”
Again, apologies pour forth.
Since using this strategy, the locker boys stopped their sprinting to look at the scale.
And that makes me happy.
The point of both of these stories is that no matter where you are in the world, if you’re moving around and about, you’re going to meet someone who is being rude to you – at least by YOUR standards. You can stand there and
take it – and silently fume. Or you can figure out a way to let the offender know how you expect to be treated.
We get treated in life they way we let others treat us. We can choose to change how others treat us – but first we need to figure out resourceful ways to communicate more effectively.
Now, you may think I used anger to handle the offenders. Fact is I
used the “image” of anger. I practiced the image and the words in my mind – then let
them out. Yet, just as an actor on a stage plays a part – so did I in the two
situations just mentioned. I got what I wanted and in turn this kept me in a happy, resourceful state. Yet, if I pouted and complained – I’d have nothing.
Keep this in mind when you go about your day. Have more than one way
of dealing with situations – and make sure it has something to do with a facial
expression and a few choice words.
P.S. The December issue of the newsletter and CD for the Psycho-Cyb
Success Group is a grand slam homerun. You absolutely MUST give this program a
whirl, at least for a month – and NOW is the best time for you to see how much more you
can get out of life. Go to http://www.psycho-cybernetics.com/success_group.html